the be all and end all

i think i am being unfair to my diary. i update it on an average of once in 3 weeks. none in 3 weeks on good days, and thrice in 2 days on bad days. i am ungrateful and i only turn to it when i'm in the dumps, feeling all negative feelings of sorts. when my life is all dandy and peachy, i leave it only till the day when i need to rely on it again only to see it covered with a layer of dust. i wrote in the most in 2004 and 2006. and i wrote my first entry of '07 on monday.

my mind's been terribly clogged by bad thoughts. and they always come attacking untimely. like when exam's 4 weeks away and reports due tmr/the day after next. or rather, i doubt anybody in the right state of mind would consider any period timely for bad thoughts. nobody like bad thoughts and negative feelings.

what i felt mostly, in the past, was disappointment. and because the disappointment's left untouched with no attempts to turn it into a gleaming hope by anyone(that includes me), stagnancy sludges up. and the overtime of stagnancy only results in me feeling all uninspired today. like dull. like dead fish. like i- don't- know- and- i- think- i- don't-want- to- care- anymore. because if you care somemore, you know you'll die of exhaustion, someday, sometime.

so, i've been sleeping so much since ystd and i only hope to sleep more into oblivion. i haven't gotten down to revision yet which i think i should. but on the other hand, i think i will mc this friday away. because the school doesn't make the timetable right for me and i hate school for it. (and of course everything else that makes up the word 'school')

i need to buy a happy big mug to contain my daily dose of chamomile tea. i don't like to run trips to the kitchen just to do refills. not on bad days especially.