-------------------------EDIT 4.51pm

baby, won't you walk me home

i don't want to go all the way alone

baby, won't you walk with me home

oh emily, what do you want now. why manja like that ?

--------------------------EDIT 8.36am

other than the whole of January,
that one week in Febuary,
the whole 3 weeks in June,

there wasn't another time i felt so horrid. really bad, i don't know what's happening. i can't seemed to function properly and i am not seeking for any attention here. i said i have school at 8am, but i did not turn up. what did i do instead ?

wake up and kept thinking about the whole of yesterday. so really, quit telling me or promising me a better tomorrow. cus it is not working at times like these. january, febuary, june, it took me many days to find a better tomorrow.

three months ago, i said " yeah the cookie crumbles..but in whose hands ? "

i had someone to blame three months ago.

last night, it crumbled straight in my hands.

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911, i know you're gonna be damn mean to me.

kenneth, i know you're concerned. i'm glad you called. but i don't want to talk. this saturday. like that, okay.

since its past midnight now, i'd say yesterday was a bad day. the whole day felt like a blur. I did things which i will never do, i said things which I thought I will never say. i wanted to scream at the top of my voice. i did anyway. since it is 12.21am now and i am still alone at home.

Just as I was very pissed off with myself already, the picture above the my bed that vanessa made me buy a year ago just wants to piss me off double. for a whole year, it was never really slanted. not until today, i had to adjust it and see her signature at the back of it. bad things comes in pair. no, it came in triples today. look at them trio. they tested my limits, and took a huge bite out of my world. very cool, i feel like i'm left with nothing. but i know i just sounded damn childish to say that. whatever.

suddenly i feel like closing down this blog as well. nothing interesting about my angsty filled life.

to top it up, the rain drench today was cool. i cannot stop sneezing. i had to change into my long sleeved pj ten minutes ago because i was so bloody cold. my entire table is filled with tissue paper and i am lazy to just grab them all at one go and dispose it right in the bin beside my feet. i already popped pills. it doesn't help. nothing seems to help. everything i want, i am not able to get. everything that i don't want to get, i see them all rushing to me like a bloody bullet. you might as well shoot me dead. i have lessons at 8am tomorrow, and a bloody meeting which never seems to end at 12pm. after that, i have a no plan plan. no wait, i think i will make plans for myself. i hope it pours damn hard tomorrow, and i hope i'm down with a heavy head tomorrow. only then, i will not be able to think of anything else that is going to make me more upset.

i feel a need to speak/see two people right now. guess who. definately not any of my friends. not wenling, not stef, not kenneth, not peiru, not any of them. i'm sorry to all who tried cheering me up only to get a very negative reply from me over msn. sorry if i was rude. i think its only them two who can really make me slightly better now. i don't know what else matters.