4th worst day of the year.

even the picture above my bed is slanted.

what else. tell me what else.

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the light green right arrow flickered. i was at the 3rd positioning. and then i was at the 1st positioning. i couldn't figured if i want to make the right turn or not. i braked. i accelerated. i braked. and i finally accelerated. i crossed that stop line and the light green arrow suddenly disappeared. my hopes disappeared together. i crossed and stop after the stop line.

today i felt most handicapped. i've never felt anymore handicapped. not even when the girlfriends left me. i had ramesh to say " can, can go..just go. ya, speed up and look at your target lane. " today, there was no ramesh. today, i allowed my habit to kill me. i grow up indecisively and i brought that disgusting personality of mine everywhere i go. " i hope you know what's wrong just now. you wanted to go, you decided to stop. and then you wanted to go again. why so half heartedly ? "

i am my biggest contradiction.

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why do i have to fall sick yesterday of all days. i am supposed to meet jac this evening. i apologised and mentioned that i am really sick. i don't even have the energy to go for my driving test. i really have doubts about being a qualified driver. wenling says " you are going to drive me to chompchomp and back home tonight ! ". kenneth says " you have a new blog address. get a new card today too ! " everybody says " can one la ! " but emily cannot stop doubting her own capabilities.

back to jac. she threatened me and made me feel damn bad when she said " why you like that." there goes, i feel like pushing myself to town for the much anticipated talks with her over dinner. (although she gives spastic advices when i consult her about relationship problems.) furthermore, its her birthday tmr. we do have a surprise dinner for her. those from st anthonys, meridian jc and all the people here and there. so awkward. i know none. i only know denise. so i'm having second thoughts about turning up. wenling, stef, go la ! why don't want to go.

now jac's trying hard to be understandable by saying "i'll be flying off on sunday. let me know when you can make it, i'll try to fit you in. "

why say until like that right. i finally pacified her by ending the conversation with " please remember i love you okay. "

girls, women. always have to be pacified.

last night, i never felt anymore spoilt. i hugged my pillow, sat infront of my laptop and started whining to myself. i need love. but nobody wants to give.

carolTHEN, thank you for the herbal tea and the little lolly and the very colourful card. why leave things outside my door ? later my neighbour take away !