Today

I did a written vomit and completed my exam script in 20 minutes. I told my dad in his car about being desperate to get out of this shithole. I emphasized on the word " need " and "graduate " He listened attentively as I bragged about how hard I studied as I assured about being a sensible daughter. I think I am now, because based on statistics drawn(not too literally), I'm the only person in class who had improvements academically over the past 3 years. No, not that I am good, but I was poor to start with. The rest of them just got complacent and went downhill. Hahaha.

Because classmates like Kangwei long banished the thought of being a local degree holder but only think about being the towkay of 3 coffeeshops before he turn 30 years old, with a turnover of $15K per month per coffeeshop. As he plunged his spoon down into the bowl of chicken soup today, he said " Eh Emily, 3rd March, this Saturday, Toto grand prize $10million. Our next big chance. Steady not. " He might not realised this, but before I could reply and share my views, he went on about buying a Lamborghini just to park somewhere for fun. Like I remember him saying whenever he see few of us getting overly stressed up studying very hard for exams in the past, he'd say " Eh you all study hard k ? Then next time I set up my own company, I'll employ all of you. "

Hahahaha. Sucker. But guess what, I always end up being good friends with suckers.

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This afternoon, I laid on my bed, and questioned myself hard if I really would put down my defenses, accept her bigamy rule of a relationship, and love her entirely as who she is. And if I can't, will she overwrite the rule with exclusive love instead ?

I think I should stop thinking about this. Or I'll be the death of me in time to come.