last night, i had a freaky dream that tightened my chest for a minute; i woke up. it was 3.56am when i reached out for my phone. and then i sent a text each to the exgirlfriend and stefanie. it was really scary i couldn't sleep well the whole night. today when i woke up, i realised by sending them messages in the middle of the night doesn't help because they didn't reply until the next morning.

" what dream did you dream about ? am in the dream too ? i must be pretty there right ! "
" what was your nightmare about ? some monster ate you up ? "

i don't know why do i always dream about myself jumping down the building.

you know, lately i can close my eyes anywhere, everywhere. when i'm in subway restaurant, when i'm sitting by the road pavement, when i am working etc. and i tell myself " okay tonight sleep by 11pm ! " but then i still don't. because heck, i've got all the time in the world to sleep during school hours in the lab.

like today, i slept a cool 2 hours from 1.30pm. right after lunchhh ( yeah what pig.) my head decided to touch the table and then i slept for a good 2 hours, with occasional wakeups to narrow my eyes at kangwei beside me and then to roll my eyes at him before my head touches the table again. and before i know, the next time i lifted my head up, i see his head on the table too. daym. my turn to stay awake lest the teacher comes in. i stared blankly into space and then stole a bite out of his hersheys bar.

joshua asked me out for night cycling round serangoon north tonight. i felt paiseh when i told him i don't know how to cycle. he said " you kidding me. come i teach you la. we cycle on grass so when it won't be too painful when you crash. " i think boys make the best friends around.

whatever. tonight i am most emo. i don't think i can hold out any longer at work. it is affecting me quite alot, but i can't leave because i have somebody to account to. and it sucks. on my busride home, i realised that i had many happy moments already slipped by, without me knowing. it sucks enough, and i would wish to not bother about many other things to worsen the situation. i want to be at peace. yesterday evening, i packed my room and started pruning my stuff. i kept all the tinkerbell and cinderella figurines and music boxes on my table and chucked them in the drawer. i don't want to see them for now; they are what pretty displays but they make my table look messy. i want things simple now. whatever left on my table now is just my laptop and a tissuebox. my brain has already grown into a garden of weeds and i no longer do things logically. everyday, i only listen to my heart and make the dumbest mistakes ever. my brain doesn't function. and then i get emo, and cry. from today, i'm going to hide in the hole that i've created for myself and tell myself to just dream there.

the greatest lesson i've learnt this year : the art of walking away.

signing off,
lil miss drama.