its one sixteen am now. i fell asleep three hours ago and now i'm up.

and so there's nothing to look forward to lately. i met up with one of my favourite friends, ning, yesterday. we sat at starbucks and i went on and on. and i spoke my mind. i told her to just listen, even if she doesn't like whatever i'm saying(cus i could feel the bad vibes coming from her), just listen. i told her to not be the 3422 people who judge me like they know me enough. seriously i have had enough of judgemental people who judges when i tell them no shit like who are they to judge(?)!. i have had enough of judgemental people putting me down. putting me down, its okay but they are in no position to talk because firstly, they are just people that i might say " hi its been so long, how have you been" but they know i don't give two fucks if they're outta love/feeling sick/very broke whatfuckingsoever. second, i don't tell them anything personal. thirdly, spare me because i am paranoid enough already. everything was un-carefully criticized by these bias people and they wasn't sensitive enough to stop until i gave them a halffucked face for the first time yesterday.

but ning was cool being patient with me. i told her how everything was for me and on several occasions, she rolled her eyes along with me when i talked intoleratable ******** fucking my whole life up. if you want to know what the 8 asterix mean, don't bother racking your brains. i tell you what, fuckshit is it. fucking bollocks. and so we left starbucks without her saying much. but i am glad because i know she was attentive and i don't need advices at this fucking point of time cus its all too late. she assured that she understand fully what i'm trying to put across and how it feels like. i am glad because some people simply don't get what i'm trying to say, and it can get rather disappointing when its people you wished they could talk you out of it, but no they're in their world of bliss and they don't understand such pathetic stories of a fucking nihilist. i am glad because i know shit happens but friends like her understands best and they never leave. at least i know, not anytime soon. friends like them who say its okay i can eat happy meals for you when they're almost 100 percent vegetarian.

this time round, i've used up almost all the emo releasing outlets and its scaring me because things doesn't seem to be getting better or falling into place. everthing(even horoscope readings) are nasty. bad habits too. whatever. and i know i'm just gonna lie and stare at ceiling if i head for bed now. it is 7 hours more to school, again. and i'm gonna call in mcdonalds happymeal pancakes in another 5hours, collect my lomographic photographs after school.

its a brand new fucking day, i say.