Today I met up for dinner and tea with Pei Ning again after 6 months. Its bad, because we had been relatively close friends. To see each other on an average of once in every 6 months is indeed bad :(

Because the last time she really got updated with my life was 6 months ago, I did most of the talking today. I've always been anxious to share bout what's been happening, and thus I left her with no opportunity to talk at all. Hahaha. So today I told her about the people I really love, those I like, who I sorta dislike, and who I really hate. I told her bout school, work, the LV wallet that's equivalent to sex, and we talked bout practically everything.

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I hate to admit this; but I am sad. I know it shouldn't be this way today. I hate it that remnants of the past never fail to attack and make damage. I thought some reinforcements will do some good and I promise myself about returning life to myself. I head down FitnessFirst everyday to run alone, buy every single thing that makes me happy because I felt I deserve better. When I'm back alone at home, I'll write in my diary and wonder why my thoughts are all over the place. Afterwhich, I'll crawl under my covers hoping that the following days will be easier to get by as I stare at the purple wall, thinking about the exact cause of myself being upset still. But it doesn't really matter because the fact about myself being unhappy remains.

I can cut my hair short, and pretend I have a new life. I can leave someone, and leave someplace, but everything will follow me. I can change my friends, my daily routine, or even my name. But the distant memory will still haunt in the stillness of the night.

I'm scared. She seems so far away now. I said I wanted closure. But I don't want to ever forget.

It really hasn't been easy.